Fear of Falling Short
Steve used to play baseball.
He used to hate looking at the scoreboard.
He thought if he knew the score, it would influence how he played.
If he saw they were up by a large amount, he would slack.
If he saw they were down by a lot, he would get anxious and overcompensate.
There was this unconscious psychological setup that the scoreboard, and whatever was on it, had power over him. So he would avoid looking at it at all costs.
He justified it by saying, “Why do you need to know the score? Just play your best.”
Or, “The score shouldn't matter. It's not going to change your approach.”
But... maybe young Steve was off a bit on that one.
Let's call him slightly delusional to high performance.
Little Steve couldn't see his own anxiety and fear playing out. He overrode it with logic.
He couldn't consider...
What if looking at the scoreboard actually had him momentarily meet with reality?
What if avoiding the scoreboard actually distracted him from the very information he needed to adjust?
Maybe the scoreboard was never the problem. Maybe it was his relationship with what the scoreboard said.
The Scoreboard of Relationships
Guiding and coaching people over the years, I began to see my own anxiety in retrospect by watching how relationship anxiety showed up in my clients...
Not looking someone in the eye.
Avoiding communication.
Not saying what's on your mind.
Being unable to draw a clear boundary, and actually say it to someone.
Not claiming what you really want and pursuing it.
Letting someone down by avoiding saying what's true for you.
Sometimes, we have a very, very hard time facing the scoreboard of relationship reality.
Staring at it.
Looking at it.
Feeling into it.
A rough relationship, a botched business, a daughter or son who has a hate on, a parent relationship we look to avoid...
Whatever is 'out there', whether it be a scoreboard or a person, it's our relationship with it that ultimately matters.
And the relationship we look for as we mature is one that can be fully present with exactly what is, without the need to avoid it, justify it, or rationalize its existence.
Continue the Conversation
Is there a conversation or relationship you've been avoiding because you're afraid of what you might discover?
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The Purpose of an Argument Is Not to Be Right
A natural companion to the idea that our relationship with what's happening matters more than simply reacting to the facts in front of us.
Connects with the challenge of staying present with difficult feelings and creating room for honesty in our relationships.
You Don't Have a Relationship Problem. You Have an Energy Problem.
Extends the reflection on how our internal state influences the way we experience and respond to other people.
Use these in the existing Continue Exploring section and verify the individual URLs before publishing..
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