Fall is not a time to settle. It's a time to SETTLE 'IT'
Fall is not only a time of harvest, but a time of clean up. A time to resolve. A time to deeply connect to exactly what is.
There are so many times we overlook the conversation we need to have, or the standard we are not upholding, or the dream we refuse to acknowledge and pursue.
Without investigation, we accept our status quo of what seems easiest at the time.
But maybe that comes at costs that aren't being accounted for.
Maybe, just maybe, those costs are way more than we think.
It's easy to skim over, accept, wait until tomorrow, figure it will just work itself out, or see what happens.
And there are times and places for that. We are human.
Then, though, when the season is ripe and ready, we must consider going into a mode that is unfamiliar; uncharted; unknown.
Because when we don't really lean into our challenges, facing the beast of fear or concern or even 'rocking the boat' of ours or someone else's life, we slowly diminish life down, we 'downregulate' our energy, and SETTLE.
Fall is not a time to settle. It's a time to SETTLE 'IT', once and for all.
The Cost of Leaving Things Unresolved
Take something simple like NOT having the conversation with a spouse, partner or even an employee or employer.
In the moment, meh, it's easier just to go have lunch, or flick on the T.V., or scroll your phone, or call a friend.
And while this goes on, let's quickly look at the cost of doing so.
Emotional energy: The ongoing drain of frustration, resentment or disappointment.
Connection: Less intimacy, affection, trust and meaningful conversation.
Self-worth: Teaching yourself that your needs, feelings or desires don't matter.
Peace of mind: The background chatter that keeps taking up space in your mind.
Authenticity: Withholding your voice and parts of who you really are.
Joy: Less laughter, playfulness, spontaneity and enthusiasm.
Time: Weeks, months or even years spent carrying something that could potentially be resolved.
Opportunity: Missing possibilities because so much of your attention and energy is tied up elsewhere.
Personal standards: Slowly accepting behaviours and circumstances you once promised yourself you wouldn't.
And perhaps the greatest cost of all?
You become so accustomed to paying these costs that you stop recognizing you're paying them.
What was once unacceptable becomes tolerable. What was once tolerable becomes normal. And what becomes normal eventually becomes the life you believe you have.
SETTLE IT Doesn't Mean Fix It
Now, here's where I want to make an important distinction.
SETTLE IT doesn't necessarily mean FIX IT.
It doesn't mean you need to confront everyone, change everything, leave the relationship, quit the job or finally get your way.
It means resolving the ENERGY you've been carrying around the situation.
The resentment. The resistance. The fear. The disappointment. The story you've been telling yourself.
Sometimes that means having the conversation.
Sometimes it means making a decision.
Sometimes it means changing a standard, taking action, or finally accepting what is.
And sometimes it means discovering that the very thing you've been fighting against no longer needs to be a fight at all.
The real resolution isn't always about changing what's happening around you. It's about changing your relationship to what's happening within you.
You can have the conversation and still carry the resentment.
You can leave the situation and still carry the fear.
You can get exactly what you wanted and still feel unsettled.
That's why the work isn't simply about cleaning up your circumstances.
It's about cleaning up the energy you've attached to them.
What Are You Ready to SETTLE?
So, as the leaves fall and nature prepares for another season, perhaps there's an invitation here for you, too.
What conversation is waiting?
What standard needs honouring?
What dream needs acknowledging?
What have you been tolerating that is costing you far more than you've realized?
And most importantly…
What are you ready to SETTLE, so you can stop spending your precious life energy paying for something that no longer needs to cost you?
Don't just settle.
SETTLE IT.
Continue Exploring
The Purpose of an Argument Is Not to Be Right
A natural companion to the idea that resolution isn't always about getting your way. It can be about changing how you relate to the situation.
You Don't Have a Relationship Problem. You Have an Energy Problem.
Connects directly with the article's central theme of the energy we carry around unresolved relationship issues.
When Things Aren’t Going According to Plan
Extends the invitation to examine our expectations and consider what we can do when life isn't unfolding as we'd hoped.
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